Finally! Three-ply Toilet Paper

Whew; in these times with the stock market tanking and Sarah Pailin threatening, well, everything, it’s good to know that there are scientists and marketing wizards out there ready to deal with the real issues. I’m referring, of course, to the announcement today of the launch of 3-ply toilet paper:

NEENAH, Wis. – If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that’s what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.

Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific’s Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as “ultra-soft” and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a “sanctuary for quality time.”

Industry analyst Bill Schmitz is skeptical. He said extra layers make toilet paper stronger, not softer, although he said Georgia Pacific may have added extra fibers for softness.

Sorry, but toilet-paper researchers?!? So, do you apply to a PhD program stating firmly an proudly on your essay that you hope to one day revolutionize the unmet need for quality wipeage?As Jerry Seinfeld would have said, “sure, I could have worked on a cure for cancer or global warming, but I think 3-ply toilet paper represented a bigger challenge…”