Yeah! What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

fire-deepwater-horizon-300So, when he’s not too busy fellating GE’s Immelt in the hopes that the CEO of America’s pre-eminent tax-evading corporation will outsource more jobs or punish his workers for being union members, Sir Change-a-Lot is being bold, brave and visionary on other fronts. Take energy, for example. In Obama’s original vision for US energy policy, he gave eleventy-billion dollars to his friends in the nuclear industry so they could build more nuclear power plants. Oh, and alternative energy got a buck fifty to go buy a cup of that organic coffee that tree huggers seem to prefer.

But then that tsunami had to go screw up the carefully crafted mirage of nuclear energy as this super safe dandy-ass source of energy that we just had to have more of. Basically, Japan showed us what a toxic crock of shit it had been all along — which some of us had of course argued vehemently for a long time, but since we’re dirty fucking hippies, we just don’t count in Obama’s world. But not even a spin-meister like Robert “those lefties are all smoking crack” Gibbs could’ve saved this one, so it was time for some thinking. And so, Obama came up with a new vision.

“Right now, the industry holds tens of millions of acres of leases where it’s not producing a drop, sitting on supplies of American energy just waiting to be tapped,” Obama said. “That’s why part of our plan is to provide new and better incentives that promote rapid, responsible development of these resources.  We’re also exploring and assessing new frontiers for oil and gas development from Alaska to the Mid- and South Atlantic. Because producing more oil in America can help lower oil prices, create jobs and enhance our energy security.”

Fuck, yeah! That’s vision for you. Boom! Drill the hell out of our national parks. Screw the polar bears — they’re dying anyway, right? Oh, and we’re totally on top of things now, so that BP “incident”? Totally not going to happen again. Cross my heart, hope to die. So while Europe is moving ahead with plans to wean itself off fossil fuels for transportation by 2050, Obama is busy rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic in the hopes that we’ll all agree that he’s done something great with the place. At least you had the good manners not to declare that we simply annex Libya and suck them dry — but then, we tried that in Iraq, and it just didn’t work, did it? But we’ll give you a quarter point for the reality check and the common sense. But really — could you be more of an abject failure on pretty much every front?

This asshat is up for re-election next year, and by the looks of it, the alternative will be the winner of the Republican Dumb-Off 2012, so he’ll probably win. But it will be in spite of his track record, and it will be with an electorate so NOT fired up it’ll look like whatever the opposite of fireworks might be.

(Photo Credit: US Coast Guard via)