Confessions of a Soy Boy

soyOy vey. So, if we’re to believe the wingnuts it boils down to this: would you rather have a long, happy life with a small dick, or be well-endowed until your clogged arteries take you out in your mid forties? Ignoring for a moment the whole debacle of “bigger is better”, this new round of flat earth science about soy causing homosexuality is just sad.

I mean, the bible thumpers are so busy outing themselves these days that they can barely brush past another man in the vestry without collapsing in a heap and confessing how they’ve secretly been gay all their lives. But rather than deal with the fact that teh evil gay may not, in fact, be so evil, they instead move on to scapegoat something more tangible than their corrupt and hateful faith. And, so, now it’s soy’s turn to join Sponge Bob and all the other bad things that are turning out little kids into homosexuals.

It’s not clear to me how this explains women whose sexual orientation is towards other women — I mean, little girls drink soy, too, but if too much soy makes the little boys’ wrists go limp and makes them love other boys, then how can the same choice of beverage have the exact opposite effect on women? Or, maybe, the faith-based scientists have decided to find something else (asparagus? oatmeal?) that causes lesbianism, and merely charge soy with the evils of gay men?

I confess. I drink soy. I eat tofu. I put soy sauce on my sushi. By any New Testament standard, I’m a soy-o-holic. Happily married with two kids, but surely the right man must be out there just waiting for me when I return from the Soy Shop one day?