Bob Kearns, c/o Loma Linda Home Owners Association, Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Dear Bob Kearns,
Thank you for standing your ground and kickin’ some peace-loving ass (excuse my French, sir). What a great way to start the holidays; I am in awe of your resolute decision to fine a fellow American and to fire all those who refused to condemn her expression of dissent from the Perpetual War On All Things. That’s true leadership in these troubling times.
Frankly, in my heart I’ve always felt that the talk about the Prince of Peace and Peace on Earth was just so much touchy-feely liberal hogwash. It’s just typical of those miscreants to try and grab a piece of the action and misinterpret the whole message. ‘Tis the season for all true Christians to stand tall, and it should be clear that our Christmas and our Savior is about war — war on Satan and his minions, like your neighbor, Lisa Jensen, who apparently thinks her freedom of speech includes the right to hang up just any old anarchist fetish on her walls for the world to see. As several of your neighbors have stated, her wicked wreath shaped like a “peace sign” bears an almost uncanny resemblance to one of those yule-tide pentragrams that Pagosa Springs Satanists have a habit of hanging on their doors at this time of year. But not in your back yard, eh? Good for you.
More importantly, as you so rightly point out, patriotic Americans in Loma Linda have long wanted to celebrate the holiday season by hanging large, colorful billboards encouraging more killings in Iraq, but they have opted to remain silent in spite of our Dear Leader’s repeated encouragement that they speak out to support our dying and increasingly demoralized troops. So why on earth should Ms. Jensen be allowed to tastefully and respectfully express her preference for some quaint pre-9/11 mindset that would merely keep our troops out of harms way and in the company of their loved ones this Christmas? It just wouldn’t be right.
Nope, nothing is more divisive than peace, and I for one thank you and encourage you to keep up the good work. I rest assured that, unlike that wimpy Grinch, you will not cave, but rather stand firm and keep the holidays safe from peace as long as you call the shots. Perhaps as a new years’ resolution you could set to work on a declaration of Loma Linda as a “Peace-Free Zone”?
yada yada yada
UPDATE: And… the good guys win! The New York Times today (11/29) reports that it’s Kearns & Co Zip, Peace-loving Loma Lindan’s 1.